30 December 2006

Dear Tyrant

Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven.
~~William Shakespeare

Dear Saddam,

This letter will reach you, I fear, too late as the Crimes Against Humanity tribunal ruled that you are to die by hanging sometime before Saturday. As of this writing, it is being reported that you are dead. Some reports stated that you looked scared, others say you were physically restrained after you panicked and tried to run from the gallows.

It is my largest regret that no one truly understands the man that stood beneath the Bowler. The one seen firing a Winchester rifle into the air before thousands of adulating supporters.

Men like you are rare. You ruled your kingdom with an iron-fisted domination that ensured your enemies were fearful and your friends were safe. You could do whatever you wanted ; if you saw a beautiful woman on the street, why not have your security detail sweep her up into the limousine and take her back to your palace for a little "afternoon delight"? You could do that. Indeed you did. Those beautiful rape rooms that you constructed ensured that you and your sons could enjoy the fruits of womanhood whenever you wanted. And what woman or prepubescent teenage girl wouldn't jump at the chance of enjoying your hot, sexy dictator antics? You could torture, inflict pain, cut off limbs - anything you wanted - with just a guttural grunt and a gesture of your hand. The absolute power is liberating, isn't it? It can be intoxicating. Knowing that any whim or urge can be satisfied at a moments notice, with no repercussions, is heady. One of the many perks about being Absolute Supreme Leader is that you don't have to worry about petty niceties - you can speak over subordinates at meetings, you can scream at them, throw things at them, hit them in the face....hell, you can even take them outside and shoot them in the kneecap. How many of us are simply jealous that we don't have that kind of power? I'm sure the number is in the millions. Like the millions of power-hungry traitors that you eliminated.

You stand in good company. You are literally in the pantheon of world tyrants. And I'm not just talking about the Big Ones - Hitler, Stalin, Ceausescu - oh, no. With the likes of Omar al-Bashir of Sudan, Kim Jong-il of North Korea, Than Shwe of Burma (now Myanmar), Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe, Islam Karimov of Uzbekistan, Hu Jintao of China, King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, Saparmurat Niyazov of Turkmenistan, and Teodoro Obiang Nguema of Equatorial Guinea as your compatriots in terror, you're a shining star emblazoned in the firmament of narcissus. You are, without a doubt, a stalwart example of pure unadulterated Manhood. Women adore you, men want to be like you.

Sure your tactics were brutal - they had to be. At an early age you took the Roman emperor's motto of Oderint Dum Metuant to heart. And indeed they did hate you, and fear you. But you took it all in stride. Just like the Caesars of Rome, you brought in your own version of the Praetorian Guard (You wanted to be original so you called your Republican guards - how cheeky!). It's not easy to build up an empire. It takes energy, a thirst for power, brokering deals, making pacts, killing people, torturing people, and the hyper-vigilance of a mongoose on caffeine. You knew that the only way to build a stable empire was on the skulls and bones of your defeated enemies. Only by instilling fear would you truly be respected. You learned your Uncle Joe lore very well. Stalin would have been proud of you since you emulated everyone of his political tactics. Freedom for you, oppression for everyone else. Could it have been any other way? Definitely not. In your narcissistic world, there was only you. You were your own sun, moon and stars.

Like Lucifer, you brought light to the world of darkness. We cannot know what good is if we don't see evil. Good and evil are just two sides of the same coin. Who is righteous enough to judge you? Who can possibly have the moral authority to condemn such a one as you? You were right when you said, "No one but Allah." People always cast Lucifer as a bad guy. Most don't understand that such a one was necessary to our development. He was even central to creating mankind. Lucifer "mucked up" the whole works in order that we could have free-will. Otherwise we'd all be living in some utopian garden, never knowing the bitter side of life. And what fun would that be?

You were evil but a necessary one. Who's going to miss all those Kurds that you killed? Almost no one. They were just a bunch of goat-herders, anyway. Was there an Einstein among them? Hardly. Maybe another Marconi or James Joyce? I know, I know...don't make you laugh, right? You, of all people, knew that they were one step above mole rats on the evolutionary ladder.

And that was a minor bump on the highway to success. There were golden palaces to build, executions to videotape and parades to organize. Remember pushing all those dissidents off that three story building? Watching them up there; crying, wetting their pants, their wives and children at the bottom looking up at their loved ones about to fall to their deaths - it was priceless! I'll bet you still get a little chubby in your trousers just thinking about that. Of course who can forget the public whippings. Your chief torturer knew his trade inside and out. Remember how he would continually whip the infidel on the same side, on the exact same spot? It ensured that the infidel pig would feel maximum pain. Man you couldn't BUY entertainment like that!!!

People will remember you for all the atrocities that you committed but I, for one, will remember you for being a "stabilizing" force in your region of the world. They can criticize and deride your actions and policies but let's not judge you too hastily. Who can judge a man who hasn't walked a mile in that man's moccassins? Until your critics can say they have 10 golden palaces, $700 million in various world banks, and millions murdered for their own selfish political gain - let them keep their mouths shut!

We all know that George Bush and his cronies exaggerated many of your "crimes" in order to remove you from power so that they could get their greedy little hands on Iraqi oil reserves. Bush will be executed for his "war crimes" very soon, I can tell you that. I've seen the banter in the internet blogs. Centers of deep political thought and commentary like The Huffington Post and the DailyKOS all say that Bush is a war criminal; that he's even worse than you! Well Bush and Cheney's greed will be their undoing. There are countless lies and distortions circulating around the world. I found this one over at the Times of London website. What offal !

Saddam Hussein was a tyrant whose actions brought down unimaginable catastrophe on Iraq and its peoples. From an early age, he had enjoyed inflicted suffering on those around him and, when he came to positions of political power, those whom he could not force or corrupt into submitting to his will, he maimed, murdered or made to flee. He started two major international wars - one against Iran, the second as a result of aggression against Kuwait - which cost an estimated one million lives. He instituted genocidal campaigns against the Kurds in the north of Iraq and the Marsh Arabs in the south. Ruling through the Sunni minority of which he was a member, he ignored the claims of the country's majority Shia population.
The third war in the region - which brought him and his regime down - was not directly begun by him, but by apparent American - and British - fears of a perceived threat his arsenal of weapons posed to international security. This time Saddam misjudged the event - and certainly the American mood.
~ Times of London Obit

Well, that's all for now Chief of the Iraqi Mujahid Armed Forces and Supreme Leader and Commander Saddam Hussein al-Majid al-Tikriti. You are now a martyr and since you uttered the word "jihad" at your public execution, Alllah (may His Name be praised and exhalted for All time) will see fit to provide you with 72 virgins, to do with what you will. That doesn't seem like much since a Man like you could go through 72 virgins in about 5 days. But maybe Allah will sweeten the deal a little and take your title and position while on earth in to account.

Ever yours,
Rue St. Michel

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