"All the animals come out at night. Whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies. Sick, venal.
"June 29th: I gotta get in shape now. Too much sitting has ruined my body. Too much abuse has gone on for too long.
~ Travis Bickle
Some days I feel like Travis Bickle - watching the sea of bust-outs, winos, gangbangers, the drug addicts, the whores - you start to believe that the whole world is awash in misery, disease and crime. There are no rules. The only rule that exists is that you are always wrong. You get blamed for everything under the sun: You pick on people, you profile, you are in favor of legal immigration and you are a racist, you just stop people for no reason, "you writing me for DWB!" You don't speak spanish and the illegals who dialed 911 want to know why not. You arrest a domestic battery offender who fights you and, later, the wife sues you and the city for doing your job. If you don't arrest the offender and you get screamed at by your do-nothing sergeant for having the audicity to decide that the wife is lying. You see your discretion and your rights slowly being etched away, like the ocean eating away at a cliff face. Some "pillar of the community" gets gunned down and no one sees a thing. You walk down the street with an orange parking ticket book in your hand and dozens come streaming out of their homes to tell you why they didn't have time to buy a city sticker. You see how much anguish and suffering that drugs and gangs inflict on a place and all you can hope for is the rain - the hard cold rain that will clean the streets, keep the gangbangers on their porches and off the corners - the rain that pummels the concrete and cools the heat of a society that is no longer rational. You see simple courtesies are no longer practiced. Drivers cut each other off and blame each other. One driver does a U-turn, almost causing an accident, and when the other driver beeps his horn, the offending driver flips him the bird. It's all about me out there - fuck everyone else. Music gets blasted until all hours of the night. The constant drumming of Bass Cannons vibrating the windows of your house at 3am sends your blood pressure up over 200. Your wife and kids start to see you in a different light - you're quicker to lose your temper, you seeth, you sit and stare at the wall on your days off - not knowing or caring about what happens during the next 6 hours. Just numb. You see our wonderful illegal immigrants proudly displaying flags of Mexico - and you know all they care about is making money and having more babies and sending more US money down to their pitiful cesspool of corruption. You see our president and our senators flushing our sovereignty down the toilet. People don't care about anything except their things and themselves. Well versed in what their rights are but completely ignorant of their obligations. Men of vice are elevated, men of virtue are denigrated. Hope is obscured by a dark cloud. Political grandstanding and political correctness have bleached all color from our landscape. Uneducated delinquent Punks run the streets - beating, robbing and thieving. They get away with dozens of crimes and then whine about how "good" they are when you catch them. They wonder why the police hate them. All of a sudden bias became a one-way street. If you are a "person of color" you can say whatever you want, no matter how outrageous or inflammatory, and you are listened to. If you hate Bush then you're a hero. If you stand for this country and support its troops, you are a brainwashed neanderthal. History gets revised, text books get whitewashed. Kids are taught that Washington was a terrorist and Jefferson raped his black slaves and had children with them. Murder is no big deal. Jimmy Hoffa won't be found because his murderers were thorough. Murderers are labeled as 'misunderstood' and are allowed a seemingly never-ending appeal process. The murderer who killed Officer Camp was convicted of Disarming a Police Officer and PSMV - both together carry a sentence of 60 years but he'll be out in 15 on good behavior. He'll get cable tv, 4 meals a day, a well lit clean cell and yard privileges. All Camp's family and friends get is a folded US flag and tears on every missed birthday, Christmas and wedding Anniversary. You see everyday how people who rob, rape and murder get every consideration while their victims rot in the soil. The criminals get everything - good people get nothing except death and taxes.
"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."
"Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented. If there's ever another war I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will."
"I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say 'Holden Caulfield' on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say 'Fuck you'. I'm positive."
Recurrent: "No kidding.", "So what I did was, ...", "I'm a madman.", "That killed me.", "Goddam.", "some kind of ...", "hell of a ...", "I did. I really did.", "Very big deal.", "... if you want to know the truth."
"What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliffI mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy."
"If you want to know the truth, I don't know what I think about it.... Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
~ Holden Caufield
And they wonder why.