17 May 2006

Keilor Konfesses Krimes

Garrison Keillor, the liberal-Left's paunchy, 'touchy-feely' Lake Woebegone icon - finally did it. He finally admited that he is ignorant. He says that when it comes to Catholicism he is blissfully unaware of what it's all about.

Blissfully ignorant seems to be Keillor's constant state of being.

His piece at salon.com tries to come off as a mea culpa regarding an appearance at a high school that he backed out of. But the article quickly devolves into a passive-aggressive slam at the Catholic Mass, the Pope and - last but not least - Republicans. (ooooohh ... those evil republicans! shiver!!!)

Having been called names, one looks back at one's own angry outbursts over the years, and I recall having once referred to Republicans as "hairy-backed swamp developers, fundamentalist bullies, freelance racists, hobby cops, sweatshop tycoons, line jumpers, marsupial moms and aluminum-siding salesmen, misanthropic frat boys, ninja dittoheads, shrieking midgets, tax cheats, cheese merchants, cat stranglers, pill pushers, nihilists in golf pants, backed-up Baptists, the grand pooh-bahs of Percodan, mouth breathers, testosterone junkies and brownshirts in pinstripes." I look at those words now, and "cat stranglers" seems excessive to me. The number of cat stranglers in the ranks of the Republican Party is surely low, and that reference was hurtful to Republicans and to cat owners. I feel sheepish about it.

Oh the wit! Oh the stinging jabs! Wait -- I need to get a Kleenex and catch my breath from laughing so hard. Another example at how "tolerant" the Left is when you don't agree with them.

I am a low-church Episcopalian, and all you can smell in our midst is a medley of deodorants and some hairspray and a faint aroma of baking croissants for the fellowship hour.
In the Catholic Church, as often as not, you have the priest whipping around a censer on a long chain, emitting clouds of repellent smoke like burning tires that all are required to inhale, a censer that could easily come loose and fly willy-nilly into the congregation and brain somebody and perhaps come apart and spew red-hot coals among small children, scarring them forever and requiring years of therapy. If this isn't a public safety issue, then I am Catherine of Aragon.

Of course you can see that he's trying to be tongue-in-cheek. But from this small article you can deduce what type of person you're dealing with. He agrees to do an appearance on behalf of a group doing a benefit for a historic preservation group, but, he writes, "I failed to read the invitation carefully. The benefit, it turned out, was to raise money to go to court to stop DeLaSalle High School from building a football field on Nicollet Island, a historic neighborhood of Minneapolis, which may be a fine and noble purpose (the friends who asked me to do the benefit think so), but it's not my neighborhood, so I withdrew. Neighborhood disputes are ferocious, like marital ones, and if an outsider steps in, it only exacerbates the situation."

So he commits to the appearance but then backs out because he didn't understand why he was going? Hmm. How does he go from doing a benefit for a local high school to believing that he's going to get accused of being anti-catholic? And he pulls out under the pretense of not wanting to get involved in a different neighborhood? Come on - is he kidding me? Liberal activists like Keillor get involved in other neighborhoods all the time. They don't even need a good excuse to go poking around some neighborhood if their Liberal agenda is threatened.

What if a Muslim community center in South Dakota was being picketed by people who were demanding that mainstream Muslims issue a fatwa condemning the beheading and murder of non-Muslims? What if these demostrators were pro-War?
Do you think Keillor would be "in a different" neighborhood to speak on behalf of Muslim? You bet.

Keillor wouldn't pass up an opportunity to say something nice and positive about the "religion of peace"- the religion that is fueling hatred and intolerance worldwide. He wouldn't "waste" his time condemning truly horrific events in the world - the wholesale slaughter of Christians in Sudan, the suicide bombers in Israel, the wave of Islamic facism that is spreading like fire across the world ... Oh no! Catholicism is the issue that is worthy of Keillor's scorn.

He writes that one of his complaints is the use of the censor during the Catholic Mass. As a Protestant, I can't be too harsh on him since he deserves more pity than derision. The atmosphere of a Protestant church service is more of a community meeting than a ceremony. The Protestants stress 'community' and not the rites involved in a ceremonial gathering. The Protestant services are bland and sterile. The pastor typically speaks to the congregation like a kind neighbor - using scripture to teach, enlighten and admonish. As Joseph Campbell once remarked, "In a Protestant service, there is no God in the House."

The Catholic priest is the carrier of the secret symbols. He uses the tools of his trade to invoke a direct meeting of God and Man. During the Mass, there is to be a transubstantiation of the bread and wine into the flesh and blood of Jesus. The bells sound the chimes at the exact moment when that is occuring. The censor fills the air with woodsy scented smoke that flows throughout the pews like the holy spirit, or Angel of Death, flowed through the streets of Egypt during passover. The Catholic Mass offers its congregation a chance to experience the mythic symbols of God directly using the 5 senses. The church is usually shaped like a cross and is designed to propel the participant beyond the confines of time and space and to experience communion with God (the thing that is beyond all pairs of opposites).

Keillor can't be bothered to dig down into such "trivialities". Why learn rudimentary Catholic doctrines when it is so much more salacious, and easy, to slam the whole thing and dismiss it as some hokey religion?

Keillor and his audience of Liberal-leaning Leftists are accustomed to elevating the Men of Vice and denigrating the Men of Virtue. It just shows how truly ignorant they are and why the Left is to be rightly scorned for its abject apathy.


nikolajM said...

You clearly know nothing about Keillor's fairly standard light approach to his topics. You've wasted your time discussing what you see as some kind of serious attack on and ignorance of Catholicism. The times that Keillor has poked fun at various beliefs (including his own) to make fun of the real mockers are frequent, and are available for your perusal in many of his writings. Calm down.

Anonymous said...

Go fuck yourself, nikolajm. You socialist sympathiser!

Sabian said...

Niko....Been sippin Invisible Kool Aid again?