13 May 2006

Adam Corolla quotables

I'm taking a short hiatus from the immigration issue.

I just came across a page of Adam Corolla quotes from when he was co-host of the nationally syndicated talkshow LoveLine

You may know Adam from "The Man Show" or from the TLC show "The Adam Corolla Project". He is a former carpenter who's outlook on life is nothing short of hysterical. If you ever heard the show, you'd know what I mean. Adam and Drew covered everything from overhead cams to teen pregnancy. LoveLine was always a laugh.

These are some of Adam's thoughts on Life (and Porn) from his days on LoveLine. Go here for full index of quotations.

Talking to a male caller who dropped out of high school but still went on to succeed in college:
CALLER: Basically, college turned my life around. It gave me a purpose again.
ADAM: Same with me, except you gotta substitute "college" with "porn."
DREW: Porn turned your life around?
ADAM: Exactly.
DREW: How?
ADAM: It gave me a purpose.
DREW: I see. And an education at the same time.
ADAM: I can't kill myself in this world filled with porn. I can't leave all this!

"Hey Drew. At the beginning of the porn movies I watch, frequently, the have the phone sex numbers, and they got these hot chicks, and they’re usually, like, blowing a guy BUT they’re talking to you. They’re blowing the guy, and then they’re pulling the guy’s dork out and they’re like, 'Ooooh, I'm so hot. I'm so hot for you. Why don’t you call me.' And I'm thinking, 'You're BLOWING this dude! I WAS gonna call you, bitch, but who's THIS guy?!! You're hot for me? You got this guy's DORK in your mouth!!! What do you mean you're hot for me, I thought we had something!' And in the next scene, she's on top of the guy, and she's having intercourse with the guy, and she's going, 'I want you, I want you.' And I'm like, 'Who's this guy you're F-ing?! What about him? And can't he hear you?! He's gotta be pissed! I don’t know if this guy's your boyfriend, or your husband, I dunno who this guy is, but I'm not coming over there, pulling HIS penis out of your mouth, and inserting mine!'"

"I'm an aetheist, so therefore I don't believe in heaven. But I pray that there's a hell. I really do. For the abusers, the molesters, the rapists. I'm not really interested in the good people being rewarded, but I'm more interested in the bad people being punished."

"Rummaging through the rubble of my past is really like being a Red Cross worker trying to dig out some kids from an adobe apartment building that went down in Guatemala after a 7.3. It's a little depressing. It's especially depressing wen you're comparing notes with Drew."

"School discipline is a weird thing, because the thing you don't like about school is going to school. If I had gotten suspended, it would have been like, 'What's happening to me?' 'You're suspended for three days.' 'I'm gonna watch TV and wack off for three days?' 'Yeah.' 'OK. You can't stretch it out to four? What I did was pretty heinous.' 'No, three days.' 'OK.' 'It's gonna be on your record.' 'Oh, you mean the one they look at when I go into the carpet-cleaning gig?'"

1 comment:

Sabian said...

Yes, Adam was the better of the two in The Man Show....Jimmy Kimmell just didn't measure up.